SPECIAL GUEST: Dude Whisperer Gives the 411 on Why Celebrities Cheat (Contest!)

Eva Longoria, Shania Twain, Maria Shriver, Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock. What do all these women have in common? These are women whose husbands have cheated on them, and in some cases, cheated down.

It made me wonder for the umpteenth time, why do men cheat? (Yes, I know women cheat, too, but this post is about men.) Was comedian Chris Rock telling the truth when he said, “Men are as faithful as their options”?

Lucky me, I stumbled upon a blog where a man is telling it like it is—real talk, if you will. His name is The Dude Whisperer, and he’s here to help. He explains why women are looking at it all wrong.  Before I share his insight with you, let me first introduce the man behind the pearls of wisdom. Let’s get started!

Tell us about yourself.

The Dude Whisperer (allegedly)

My father was the son of a diplomat and a professional hockey player and my mother was an astrophysicist who got caught up for a time with the Russian mafia. They met at a CIA recruitment event, fell instantly into a forbidden love, and dropped off the grid to have kids and live off the land under assumed names in the rural South. I learned to handle a sword at the age of 3 and once had dinner in Nashville with Boris Yeltsin and Wayne Gretzky.

Okay, okay. I’m just a regular guy. Totally stable family and normal upbringing. I like baseball. And pie.

Yes or no: Does size matter?

Sure it does. You can debate how much and to whom, but if it didn’t matter at all this question would stop getting asked, right?

Finish this sentence: I’m addicted to…

Caffeine. The Colbert Report. Beekeeping. Coming up with new nicknames for my cat, who is known lately as Mr. Bitey, Senor Fish, and Peebot 3000.

Short answer choices:

Leather or lace? Lace

Long or short hair? Doesn’t matter

Fruity drink or strong liquor? Fruity drink

Heels or flats? Flats

Jeans or skirt? Jeans

Coffee or tea? Coffee

Glamorous girl or girl next door? Girl next door

Picky eater or adventurous? Adventurous!

Glamorous makeup or au naturale? Au naturale

Sexy bed-head or sophisticated coif? Whichever is less fussy

When is your favorite time of the day to make love? Right now.

You had me going there for a minute when you told us about yourself. I’m glad you admitted you’re a regular person like the rest of us. I was about to rewrite my own bio. LOL.

How long have you been writing your blog and what prompted it?

The blog’s been up for three years.

It came about because I’d be cooking dinner or whatever and I’d hear The Wifey’s friends talking in the next room about the dudes in their lives. And a lot of how they were interpreting dude behavior just seemed waaaay off base. Like, alternate universe off base.

So, I’d poke my head in the door and say, “Oh no, no, no. Let me tell you what he’s thinking right now…” Then I’d elaborate. Then they’d stare at me like I’d just neatly demystified String Theory. It was actually The Wifey’s friends who started calling me “The Dude Whisperer” and convinced me that dude interpretation was a service that might be in demand.

Interesting…Okay, now to the meat and potatoes. On your blog, you answer  questions about men. Below is the answer you gave to one of your readers who asked a question similar to mine. Thanks for letting me share it with my readers. 

Dear Dude Whisperer,

Why do guys cheat on their girlfriends? Specifically, what is it about all
these celebrity dudes cheating on their hot, respectable wives with cheap
groupie hoes who aren’t even that good looking?

Jesse James was cheating on Sandra Bullock with Michelle “Bombshell” McGee who had a freaky forehead tattoo. Tiger Woods was nailing some very average looking cocktail waitresses despite being married to Elin Nordegren, a former Swedish model. And Tony Parker was married to Eva Longoria. Why would anyone cheat on the woman who was #1 on Maxim’s “Hot 100″ List two years in a row?

Can you explain this?

Sincerely,
A regular girl who is confused by celebrity penises

Hi Argwicbcp,

Glad you asked this one. The DW and The Wifey have talked about the wandering celebrity wiener at length a couple times. The Wifey kept asking, “Why? Why would they do that?” and The DW kept answering, “Duh. Because they can.” Once was after Jesse James and once was after Tiger. The disconnect is this-you’re thinking about these affairs in terms of replacement, whereas celebrity dudes think of them in terms of addition.

David Beckham was not allegedly having sex with a big boobed Dutch model instead of Posh Spice, he was allegedly having sex with a big boobed Dutch model in addition to Posh Spice. Ask any dude on the street if he’d rather bone Natalie Portman or a random Chili’s hostess and he’ll say Natalie Portman. But ask the same dude if he’d rather bone Portman, Chili’s, or both and he’ll say both, even if Chili’s is considerably less erudite, famous, or attractive. Sometimes, as with design principles or preparing a great cut of meat, less is more. But with boobies, more tends just to be more.

So when, say, Sandra Bullock is cheated on for Bombshell McGee it’s useless to compare the relative merits of each. Jesse James wasn’ t thinking, “Now here’s a woman vastly superior to my gorgeous, rich, smart wife! I must make her mine!” He wasn’t thinking about his wife at all. He was probably just bored after a car show or something and wanted a hummer. Maybe Sandy was out of town, maybe he’s just a dick, maybe he figured a chick with a forehead tattoo would be a little extra freaky-deaky change of pace. Who knows? But it’s not like Sandy was going to vaporize the moment ole Bombshell removed her panties and got to work. Loss? Nothing. Gain? A few plows in the garden. That simple.

Same goes for Elin Nordegren or Eva Longoria getting cheated on. Neither could be much more beautiful, right? But again, not the point. Tiger Woods and Tony Parker simply have nearly constant access to tons of available women who will f*ck them. At some point it occurred to them that it might be really, really fun to nail just about all of them. Admirable? Perhaps not. Inevitable? Just about.

Fact is, most average dudes would have a hard time staying faithful if they woke up tomorrow and women were flying through the windows to be the first to grab their hotel room key. It’s one thing to keep yourself from making the effort to actively seek out an affair. But when women are forever seeking you out? Eventually, you’re going to say yes.

And then there’s the Brett Favre part of the equation. There may be no better example of what being superfamous must do to a dude. Nobody ever tells you you’re wrong or that you’re acting like a dipsh*t from ages 20-42 and you start to believe you’re invincible. Maybe it starts with referring to yourself in the third person. Then next thing you know you wake up one day and honestly believe that sending a grown *ss woman you don’t know a phone pic of you tuggin’ your junk in nothing but Crocs will get you 100% laid and stay 100% secret. For all the DW knows, Brett Favre also thinks clouds are made of Cotton Candy and that you can get a woman pregnant just by lookin’ at her funny.

Anyway, you get the idea. Opportunity added to delusion added to power added to more opportunity and delusion added to a dude’s natural inability to stop thinking about a new place to put his c*ck equals ideas like, “Hey, you know what’s better than f*cking Sienna Miller? F*cking Sienna Miller and the nanny!”

Here’s to never finding your dude on top of, underneath, or behind a nickname like “Bombshell”. Oucharoo.

Best,

The DW  

Okay, DW, now that you’ve crushed my hopes of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson ever being faithful to me once we’re married (unless I’m with him 24/7, which isn’t a bad idea), where can we connect with you online to get more of your witty advice?  

Join my Facebook Fan Page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Dude-Whisperer/91255619523 or subscribe to my blog: http://thedudewhisperer.wordpress.com/.

*****CONTEST*****  

All right, I promised you a contest. What do you think about what The DW said? Do you agree or disagree? Do you have more advice to offer Argwicbcp? Leave your thoughts in the comments below for a chance to win a book with sexy, faithful heroes from my personal stash of romance novels. 

Random.org will pick the winners. First place winner gets to choose one book first. Then the second place winner gets to choose one book.  Contest ends at 8:00 PM EST. I’ll announce the winner(s) by 9:00 PM EST. You then have 48 hours to post in the comments which book you’d like and to send your mailing address to delaneydiamond(at)ymail.com. After 48 hours I’ll pick another winner. 

BOOK CHOICES:

The Devil You Know, Liz Carlyle (historical)

Her Last Line of Defense, Marie Donovan (Harlequin Blaze)

Second Chance Baby, A.C. Arthur (Kimani Romance)

Claiming King’s Baby, Maureen Child (Harlequin Silhouette)

Mistress on Demand, Maggie Cox (Harlequin Presents)

____________________________________________________________________________________________

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24 responses to “SPECIAL GUEST: Dude Whisperer Gives the 411 on Why Celebrities Cheat (Contest!)

  1. Pingback: A Quickie for June 20th | The Dude Whisperer

  2. Hollywood marriages that last are as rare with pigs having anerexia…

  3. i think that in some ways he is right but i also think it has to do alot with the kind of morals/values that the man has. if he has a strong moral code and strong family values he is less likely to cheat on his spouse/significant other than someone that has a loose morality. of course this is just my opinion, it is based on having watched the people in my life and how they treat their partners. i have an uncle that married his wife when he was 16 and she was 15, they are both in their 70 now and still just as in love as when they first met. they have never cheated on each other and never would have. i think it is something that is just outside the value system that they (we) have. i have other relative that think nothing is wrong with this behavior and they have a very relaxed moral code.
    i guess it comes down to do you love the person you are with more than you love want you want for the next 10 minutes or not?
    trvlagnt1t@yahoo.com

    • Hi wyndwhisper,
      Totally agree that strong morals and family and things like that are factors that contribute to whether or not a man cheats. Fame and money is just another factor. And a strong one.
      the DW

  4. Ouch, K.T.! I see you’re not very optimistic about Hollywood marriages. In the general public, the divorce rate is about 50%. I wonder what the stats are for Hollywood?

    Wyndwhisper, I agree with you, but I actually think most people know better and don’t want to cheat. I really think that folks just go along with the excitement/feeling/whatever of the extra relationship, and in their head they never consider getting caught. They don’t even think they will get caught.

    If more people saw the consequences of their actions before they cheated, I bet cheating numbers would take a nosedive. No one wants to break up their marriage, lose their friends, get stuck with special visitation for their kids, lose half their fortune, etc., etc. It’s not worth it, but they don’t figure it out until it’s too late.

  5. If that really is his picture, The Dude Whisperer is hot! I think celebs cheat because they feel as if they can. Money, power, women, fame.

  6. I think this guy is right about women’s inability to think like a man, because we are not at the mercy of their hormones and thousands of years of evolution driving men to want to make babies. SO as much as men make fun of women when it’s “that time of the month”, or menopause begins to wreak havoc on our psyches, we should make allowances for their inability to control themselves when seemingly free p*ssy is throwing itself at them non-stop. The simple solution is that men can’t be trusted to walk around in public until they are old enough to control their constant desire to bone every female they see…maybe around 40-50?

    Of course I kid…but really. Wanting someone and actually giving in to those urges are two very different things. Robin Williams once said that “God gave men two heads and only enough blood to run one at a time.” But men CAN learn to control their urges, they just have to have respect for the woman they are risking losing. And celebrities of both sexes often need the constant attention to make them feel important, and relating to a spouse as equals might not give them that.

    • Fiona, I know you say you’re kidding, but I think there’s some truth in your words. Here we have a man telling us that it’s really unrealistic that a man can constantly turn down free sex on a regular basis, but we don’t want to hear it. My male friends say the same thing as the DW. It’s very hard to resist constant temptation.

      Are there men who do? Of course. And maybe you’re right about the age factor. The older they get, the more they understand what they have to lose–perhaps they’ve already lost a great deal at one time, so they’re less likely to make the same mistake again. They realize it’s not worth it.

      • Hi Fiona,
        I think you bring up a good point about people who want Fame with a capital F, whether it’s through acting or sports or politics or whatever. Perhaps those are people predisposed to weird degrees of selfishness and a lack of empathy. The DW and The Wifey have long contended that we’ve probably never voted for someone we would actually like to hang out with in person bc the nature of contemporary politics – the level of scrutiny and criticism and kissing ass and showmanship, et al. – almost by definition excludes everyone but egomaniacs and crazypeople.

  7. Big thank you to The DW and each commenter who made him feel welcome! I can see from the blog stats we had lots of visitors who stopped in to read about this interesting topic. Thank you to everyone who stopped by and checked out the post. Now I have to pick a winner. Drum roll…

    1st place: Fiona
    2nd place: Wyndwhisper

    Please contact me within 48 hours at delaneydiamond(at)ymail.com with your book choice and mailing address. After 48 hours I’ll have to pick the next person on the list. Since Fiona gets first pick, Wyndwhisper, send me your first and second choices.

  8. Sorry I’m late. Enjoyed this Delaney! DW has a point about ‘addition’ vs. ‘replacement’. Guys just don’t think —
    with the head above their shoulders that is. ;)

    • You’re never too late. Thanks for stopping in, Pamela!

      I also agree with the DW on that one. Unfortunately, they’re trying to have their cake and eat it, too, which is something the upper head wouldn’t condone if it could just wrestle control from the lower one. Ha-ha.

  9. jennifer mathis

    totally agree just had to voice that :)

  10. I like what DW said. I do think that celebrities cheat because they can. Women throw themselves at them all the time, so they figure why not? It’s pretty disgusting. Anyway, there is a lot more cheating news to come out in the open.

    • Hi Monique,
      More cheating news is always on the way, indeed. The DW was wondering, speaking of, what the ladies thought of Anthony Weiner? Is he any better than the other dudes considering he was just taking pictures of his junk instead of actually having sex with everybody? Or is a matter of you take your pants off, you take your pants off and it’s all the same from there?
      DW

  11. Monique, you’re right. There’s always another cheating scandal around the corner. Sad.

    DW, I don’t think sending pics of your privates is the same as cheating, since Weiner didn’t actually insert said privates into anybody else. But what he did was crass and disrespectful to his wife, and like Pamela pointed out, he was on his way there. It was only a matter of time.

  12. I blame rap music! Hehehe!
    No, really, the truth of the matter is that human nature is flawed and no matter how good some people try to be, it’s in their nature to mess up…some much worse than others. Celebrities don’t cheat any more than anyone else, but the couple next door who are dealing with the same issue don’t have their faces splashed across the five o’clock news.
    I may piss some people off, but when will the women these men are cheating with going to be called out?
    Hellooooo, EVERYONE and their mama saw Sandy and “what’s his name” all over the television when they married…and who hasn’t heard about the new line of Kobe Bryant Diamonds coming to a strip club, err, I mean strip mall near you?
    It’s not like these women didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. And if you really want to get down and dirty… how many of those women made quite a healthy profit from kissing and telling? The oldest profession in the world isn’t always advertised on a street corner, sometimes it’s wrapped up nice and pretty in a neat little bow and brought to you courtesy of fame and fortune.
    Nope, no victims there, and they should stop whining on 60 Minutes and 20/20, trying to explain how they were fooled.
    All I can say is that a bunch of grown a$$ folk need to start acting like adults and take responsibility for their actions and bypass the excuses… I stopped listening when they all just started reciting the same lame dribble!!
    If I wanted to watch a never ending loop of men chasing tail, I’d watch Nascar!! Hehehe!

    Best of luck, “Dude Whisperer” , you have yourself a new fan!
    Hugs, Delaney!!

    • Robin, you speaketh the truth! Lol. I never felt sorry for any of those women, either. One of Tiger’s mistresses actually had the audacity to get an attorney. Huh?

      Good point about the oldest profession. I never thought of it that way, but you’re right. They trade their pride and self-respect for a bit of fame and some possible cash. I’d be too embarrassed to show my face on TV if I’d slept with one of those married men. Matter of fact, no one would ever know–EVER.

      Thanks for stopping in, hon. :)

  13. AWESOME DELANEY! HIS ABS AREN’T BAD EITHER! LOL I JUST DISCOVERED YOU AND CAN’T WAIT TO GET YOUR BOOKS, OH AND THANKS FOR THE CONTEST!

    lindarb49@hotmail.com

    • Hi Hotcha! Yeah, the DW’s not bad on the eyes, is he? The Wifey’s a lucky lady. Lol. I do contests every now and again, so there are always opportunities to win. I hope you enjoy my books when you read them.

      I look forward to seeing more of you.