Without You

“Hello?” The phone woke Charisse up in the middle of the night, and Terrence was on the other end.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey. Is something wrong?” She hadn’t heard from him since they took the trip to Morehouse a week ago.

“Not really. Could you come to the door?”

He had a key but never used it.

“Um…”

“I only want to talk.”

She pushed down a sigh. “Be right there.”

Charisse hung up and lifted her robe from the top of the trunk at the foot of the bed and put it on. She didn’t bother to remove the silk scarf from her head. Her ex had seen her look worse.

She padded in slippers down the hall to the front door and opened it. Terrence walked in without a word and she closed the door. They stood on opposite sides of the hall, each with their backs against the wall. He looked at her in that Terrence way he did. He only moved his eyes, letting them wander over her body in a knowing way, and she suddenly regretted meeting with him wearing only panties and a thin camisole beneath the robe.

He licked his bottom lip and then bit into it, and her nipples throbbed. She averted her eyes so he wouldn’t see his effect on her. If she could control her body, seeing him wouldn’t be nearly as hard.

“Anybody here with you?” he asked.

She frowned. “The kids—”

“Anybody else?”

She sighed. He was obviously still obsessed with the fact that she was seeing someone. “No. No one has ever spent the night here.”

He inhaled and exhaled deeply, clearly relieved to hear that bit of news.

“You came all the way out here to ask me if I have company?”

“No, that’s not why I came. I came out here because I want to talk about us.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off with a raised hand.

“I’ve been thinking about us and the past. I know you don’t have any reason to forgive me, and I’m really not asking for forgiveness right now. All I’m doing is asking for a chance.”

Charisse pulled the robe tighter and wrapped her arms around her waist. “Where is this coming from? Is this because you saw me with Austin the other night?”

“Yes and no. I’ve been feeling this way for a long time and been thinking about how I could convince you that I’m different. I came to bare my soul to you. The truth is, I’ve never stopped loving you. I know I messed up, but if you give me another chance, I’ll make it up to you.”

He sounded so sincere, and if she hadn’t heard similar words dozens, possibly hundreds, of times before, she might fall for them.

“Terrence, there is no point to this conversation. I wasn’t enough for you before, and I won’t be enough for you now.”

“That’s not true,” he said swiftly. “You’re all I need. I don’t need anyone else.”

She wanted to believe him so much, but she knew the truth. The scars of his betrayal crisscrossed her heart to make sure she never forgot how he treated her.

“Why now? You haven’t tried in five years.”

“I didn’t want to harass you because you left me. You didn’t want me anymore.”

“That’s not my fault.”

“I’m not blaming you. I’m saying…I know why, and I want you to know what you mean to me. I don’t want to hold my feelings inside anymore. That’s all.”

Don’t fall for it.

“Charisse.” His dark eyes pleaded with hers and wrenched at her heart. “I swear to you, not a single day goes by that I don’t think about you. When I’m not wishing I could hear your voice or see you. You have no idea how many times a day I pick up the phone with the intention of calling you and change my mind because I don’t want to bug you. All the time. All. The. Time. I thought being without you would get easier, but it hasn’t.”

Charisse bit her bottom lip and stared at the floor. She had to stay strong. He’d been contrite before, but he always went back to his old behavior. “I’ve moved on with my life. You’ve moved on with yours. We can’t go back now.”

“Who says we can’t? I know you still care about me.”

She looked up at him. “Of course I still care about you. We’re friends and we were married and you’re the father of my children.”

He shook his head vehemently. “Nah, that’s not all it is, and you know it. Deep down, you still have feelings for me.”

She laughed. “What did I possibly do to make you think that I still have feelings for you?”

“It’s not really anything you did.” He seemed to hesitate. “One of the kids mentioned they noticed how you act sometimes after I leave. Like you still miss me. Maybe not as much as I miss you, but you miss me.”

Anger flared to life inside of her, and Charisse pushed off the wall. “Are you serious right now? You’re hitting up our kids for information about me?”

“Calm down.”

“What have they told you?”

“I know that you date.”

“Of course I date. I’m not a nun.” She pointed a finger at him. “I know what this is about. It’s about you wanting to have control over me still. You can’t and you don’t. If I want to see someone, I’ll see them, and if I want to stay out all night, I’ll stay out all night. I don’t have to—”

“Hold up.” His brows snapped together and he put up his hands for her to stop talking. “You been staying out all night?”

Charisse clamped her mouth shut. She’d assumed he knew everything. Austin wasn’t even the first man she’d spent the night with.

“When I took the kids to Miami in January, were you really hanging with your girlfriends over the weekend, or laying up under some man?”

“Forget I said anything.”

“No, no, we’re going to lay it all out on the table right now. Who you been spending the night with? You stay the night with old dude that I saw you with at the Italian restaurant?”

Charisse closed her eyes and took a deep breath to wrestle her anger under control. Then she opened her eyes and stared at him. “What I do on my own time is my business.”

“You’re not gonna answer me?” Terrence asked.

He was breathing hard, the way he did when he held an intense emotion. He could explode at any minute.

He chuckled and shook his head, then stepped away from the wall. “Well, well, well. Dudley Do Right ain’t so righteous after all, is he?” The fake smile snapped off his face in an instant. “What’s his last name?”

“Enough, Terrence! That was cute when we were dating, but the over-the-top jealousy thing is old and outdated, especially since we’re not together anymore.”

“Give me his name.”

“I’m done. You can show yourself out.” She made to walk away, but he slammed his hand against the wall, blocking her path.

“Name.”